Commy and friends have been discussing the ‘dark’ personality changes divorcing couples undergo.
What is it, they wondered, about a meeting designed to ensure a fair division of the accumulated spoils of any co-habitation that reduces a previously sane, rational couple to the sort of petty, hissy-fit proprietorial tantrums that would put any toddler playgroup to shame?
Commy contends that this is all the result of a divorce lawyer conspiracy. By insisting that warring couples attend, bearing a list of their must-haves from the marital possession pool (and knowing that human nature dictates that nothing is guaranteed to pique the interest more than the knowledge that something is coveted by someone else), the lawyers are guaranteed more wrangling. More spousal wrangling … more lawyer time. Ipso facto; more profit.
As ever, Commy has come up with a solution … reverse psychology. Instead of initiating proceedings with a list of each person’s most coveted items, why not do the opposite and produce a list of the divorce detritus most couples would be happy to return to their originators OR send to the local charity shop? Then in a spirit of co-operation, move onto the more important decisions; like who has custody of the ride-on-mower.
Below Commy gives some examples of the sort of unwanted clutter that might make it onto each of the protagonists’ lists:-
- Her engagement present to him - a soft focus, ‘semi-professional glamour photo-portrait’ with her beloved cat Mizzi
- His engagement present to her – a digitally re-mastered, Collectors Edition (6 box set) of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon
- Her anniversary present (5 year point) to him – A ‘joke’ book – ‘Foreplay for Dummies’
- His anniversary present (5 year point) to her – A ‘joke’ book -’101 Uses of a Dead Cat’
- His parents Christmas present to her (after 10 years of marriage) – A book – Cookery For Beginners
- Her parents Christmas present to him (the first time they dare to spend Christmas with his family) – A family board game, ‘Trailer Park Wars’. (Yes folks, there is such a thing!)
- Her anniversary present (15 year point) to him – A treadmill
- His anniversary present (15 year point) to her – A stripper pole
- Her anniversary present to him (six months ago) – Nasal hair trimmers (heavy duty)
- His anniversary present to her (six months ago) – Botox gift certificates