Tooper has, on many occasions, signalled his deep seated mistrust of any individual seen exercising, or jogging in public.
Before he is castigated by those arguing that the world faces an obesity epidemic, he would like to point out that he is not including team sports participants in this group; those who attend specially designated areas with other like minded enthusiasts. No, rather the solo jogger who chooses to inflict his/her exhibitionist tendencies on an unsuspecting public. In fact when confronted with one, Tooper always asks himself the same question? Why would any sane person leave a comfortable (and let’s be honest, private) exercising space to venture out ‘semi naked’ in order to push themselves to the limits for all the world to see? Have they no dignity, he wonders?
For this reason, Tooper and friends have developed their own ‘short-hand code’ for any who cross their path:-
The Pristine Jogger – Normally female (sorry girls!) – Has a finely honed, well proportioned body and wants you to know it. Is to be seen in immaculately turned out kit and full make up. Probably power walking (with hand weights) or jogging with a fixed, minty fresh smile and with a high, Bambi-style action. Then, when out of sight, probably hides to avoid breaking into a sweat before returning looking mildly breathless for some (very public) warming-down exercises before excessively towelling. In other words, the sort of person who strolls naked (for no apparent reason) around communal changing areas!
The Joggers’ Jogger – Possibly ex-professional runner and therefore the least offensive – sets off in effortlessly casual but well-worn attire before easing into loping strides. Eyes fixed firmly on the horizon, our supremely fit ex-athlete’s concentration is only punctuated by an occasional downward glance at the wrist-watch or to raise a single brow in acknowledgement of a fellow Joggers’ Jogger. On return disappears inside for swift removal of nipple plasters, shower and treatment of other flesh-chafed areas.
The Jogging Virgin – Probably recklessly signed up for a half-marathon while pissed! Can be seen in dishevelled ill-matching ‘kit’, red-faced and breaking into a half hearted stumble whenever a car/member of the public approaches. Usually found clinging to a lamp-post … vomiting … as a concerned passer-by frantically calls cab/local cardiac unit.
Now check out our humorous guides for the lovelorn and confused.