Commy and friends have been discussing boring TV sports and, without putting too fine a point on it … golf!
Whilst there will be many who wax lyrical about golf’s special camaraderie, scenic back-drops and steely hand-eye co-ordination, there are other, more cynical observers, who maintain that its unpopularity with large sections of the ‘true’ sporting fraternity has more to do with its cost, its elitist reputation and its own special breed of golfing bores …‘have I told you about the nightmare I had on the back nine today?’
Commy maintains that the golfing authority’s problems don’t end there. For many already cynical youngsters, who know golf only through its coma-inducing TV coverage, can there be anything less inspiring than the present breed of tank-top/comedy-trouser wearing automatons that make up The Tour? Guys who, while sinking yet another championship winning putt and pocketing millions in sponsorship deals, barely register a flicker of emotion … let alone crack a smile.
Commy therefore proposes that, in order to engage a new, younger audience, a new team spectator sport should be considered for broadcast … Extreme Golf. TV Companies take note!
Now – Pringle sweaters, lack-lustre personalities and polite applause
Extreme Golf – Think Ryder Cup, Kiawah 1991 (War On The Shore) meets Gladiator!
Player Behaviour After Winning
Now – Cursory, non-eye-contact hug for caddy followed by awkward photo-op with bawling offspring.
Extreme Golf – Fist-pumping, goal-scoring-type celebration meets John (you cannot be serious) McEnroe in his belligerent heyday!
Now – Think John Daly/Ian Poulter (with an honourable mention for Rory McIlroy and his formidable ‘harpo’ hair/hat combo).
Extreme Golf – Think tribal team strips … or even battle fatigues and face camouflage!
Now- Respectful, knowledgeable, ‘brolly and pac-a-mac’ toting golf-club committee members and their grandchildren.
Extreme Golf – A partisan baying rabble (think Houses of Parliament after a liquid lunch!).
Now – The long-awaited cure for insomnia
Extreme Golf - Pulsating four-play involving the following minor rule changes :-
- The Rough to actually mean Rough! – may involve hazards such as snakes, reptiles or even (depending on the poorness of the shot) snipers!
- Bunkers that are not so much bunkers as fox holes – i.e. may contain that odd Iraq war vet!
- One other rule change is still under review; the ‘can I get relief from that?’ rule. Several proposals are under consideration however Commy wishes it to remain clear that while he appreciates TV companies may wish to introduce an element of sexual tension, he would like this programme to be considered purely family entertainment.